The Downside of Never Losing Your Mind

The feeling is indescribable but I'll do my best to convey it here.
Once the thought enters the brain it's like a steamroller going 60 mph, destroying every other thought in it's way.
First, as soon as no other thinking can take place, it settles into the nerves inside my head but without regard.
Loud, obnoxious, and fairly difficult to get rid of, it is one of few thoughts that can send a man to his knees in pain.
Sometimes it creeps up disguised as nausea, other times there is no question as to what's happening.
A type of hurt accompanied by heat and anger and rage- rage that fills me from head to toe.
I can almost picture it, feel it, as it spreads through my veins. I would assume it is much like when a few drops of food coloring are dropped into a still pool of water. It’s a slow spread that brings on a rapid heartbeat.
It's the feeling that you lost but without grace. No friendly handshake, no better luck next time, no respect.
It reminds me that I was stolen from but also that it was my own fault.
It makes me wish bad things on a select few people I've never met, never seen, and on a few that I know all too well.
It's like a front row seat to watch someone you love get curb stomped.
The abilities of this one thought have shrunk my waistline more than a few times.
I'm sure that I am not alone in this feeling though. At least I know for sure the unlucky of my friends have had the same thought creep into their brains.
I've seen it take over their minds, I've seen it turn the mellow into the manic, I've seen it create vices. Some spend time in the hospital, but those are the weak. I find it's best to grin and bear it, clench your teeth, and remind yourself that you don't spend your nights alone either.
Do not try to outsmart it though. Do not try to pull a fast one on your own brain.
It creates a slippery slope once you delve into it with your fists full mast. You will regret voluntarily keeping your mind on it for any longer than needed. It can hit you at any moment but when it does take yourself out of the situation and just try not to vomit. Let it run its course, but be weary that it will return. It comes and goes as random as the weather. I assume it will still be one of my last thoughts when my bones are brittle and I am gray.
It is the downside of never losing your mind.