Silly Blunders

She sat sitting indian style with her chin resting in her hands. You could tell how involved she was in the crossword puzzle she tore out of the morning newspaper.

It was the only reason she ever bought a newspaper.

I pretended to get dressed, read email, change the light bulb that's been out for a few months now, but I was only wasting time to keep looking at her. I thought she had caught me at one point, and I'm not saying that I wasn't allowed to look at her...I just didn't want her to know how involved I was in her so soon.

"6 down, Consider an imaginary animal? Three words, letters are 4,2,4. Any ideas?"

I didn't understand the question but only because I was caught off guard.

She said it again, verbatim, "Crossword puzzle, Chris. 6 down, Consider an imaginary animal? Three words, letters are 4,2,4," but this time she said it with comedic impatience.

I asked, "Oh, well...do we have any letters helping us out?"

She motioned for me to come sit next to her on the hardwood floor. We meant to carpet it but we just never really got around to it.

She pointed to the puzzle to show me the letters, "I have a B, an R, and a D."

B _ _ R
_ _
_ _ _ D

The missing letters kind of seemed to fill themselves in for me.

"Consider an imaginary animal. Bear..in..mind. Bear in mind."

I'm not really sure why but it wasn't very hard for me to figure out the clue. I just assumed it was a lucky guess.

She held in a smile and wrote in the letters as she moved onto the next one, asking me for more help,"Ok, next one, Ones who never think of flying? One word, 10 letters, no letters filled in yet"

"Autopilot! I mean..autopilot." I couldn't control my excitement at another correct answer.

She looked at me again, suspiciously but content. She asked me if I did this puzzle before. I told her the truth and said, "No, I just think you and I are like a right hand and a left hand, ya know? One washes the other."

This time the look she shot me was the kind that agreed with me.

"See? That is why we keep each other around... to fill in the blanks," she followed.

I laughed and smiled but all I could think about was the time I spelt her name wrong minutes before she said goodnight.

The Downside of Never Losing Your Mind

The feeling is indescribable but I'll do my best to convey it here.
Once the thought enters the brain it's like a steamroller going 60 mph, destroying every other thought in it's way.
First, as soon as no other thinking can take place, it settles into the nerves inside my head but without regard.
Loud, obnoxious, and fairly difficult to get rid of, it is one of few thoughts that can send a man to his knees in pain.
Sometimes it creeps up disguised as nausea, other times there is no question as to what's happening.
A type of hurt accompanied by heat and anger and rage- rage that fills me from head to toe.
I can almost picture it, feel it, as it spreads through my veins. I would assume it is much like when a few drops of food coloring are dropped into a still pool of water. It’s a slow spread that brings on a rapid heartbeat.
It's the feeling that you lost but without grace. No friendly handshake, no better luck next time, no respect.
It reminds me that I was stolen from but also that it was my own fault.
It makes me wish bad things on a select few people I've never met, never seen, and on a few that I know all too well.
It's like a front row seat to watch someone you love get curb stomped.
The abilities of this one thought have shrunk my waistline more than a few times.
I'm sure that I am not alone in this feeling though. At least I know for sure the unlucky of my friends have had the same thought creep into their brains.
I've seen it take over their minds, I've seen it turn the mellow into the manic, I've seen it create vices. Some spend time in the hospital, but those are the weak. I find it's best to grin and bear it, clench your teeth, and remind yourself that you don't spend your nights alone either.
Do not try to outsmart it though. Do not try to pull a fast one on your own brain.
It creates a slippery slope once you delve into it with your fists full mast. You will regret voluntarily keeping your mind on it for any longer than needed. It can hit you at any moment but when it does take yourself out of the situation and just try not to vomit. Let it run its course, but be weary that it will return. It comes and goes as random as the weather. I assume it will still be one of my last thoughts when my bones are brittle and I am gray.
It is the downside of never losing your mind.

Alarming Me

I somehow slipped through the cracks in the floorboards
Through a small hole in the fence
And this feeling I get is alarming me

I can't keep living with my back against the wall
It makes me feel like I've haven't got a back at all
And this feeling I get is alarming me

Reminded by someone who reminds me
Of a younger me, carefree, without the subtlety
And this feeling I get is alarming me

I can't quite make out what I've been trying to say
If it were up to me the smile on my face
Would never be taken away
I hope you would understand

I've got a healthy home life I've been trying to save
Selfishly, but my heart's in the right place
But it still makes its mistakes
I hope you would understand

Tucked away in my pocket is a list of things
But I just don't have confidence in these wax wings
And this feeling I get is alarming me

Shutting my eyes to feel some of the things I cannot see
With all of my strength, it takes me
And this feeling I get is alarming me

Like a little boy I'll look through every hole in the fence
And I'll be curious until my days are through
And this feeling I get is alarming me

I'd like to tell you a thing or two about beauty and life
About the finer things I find
If you could just forget the real, just find some time
I hope you would understand

Underneath the floorboards I was taught how to smile
What it's actually like to be high
And where to go when you need to feel alive
I hope you would understand

Fire Eating Man

There is a match being held inside my chest, right below my breast bone.
Every bite and sip is like gasoline running down my throat.
Dehydrated and a bit delirious I've been laying in bed with my imaginary friends.
An inconsistent fever peaks at 101 to remind me that I'm burning alive from the inside.
Spontaneous combustion was a suggested reasoning but the burn is too slow to be considered impulsive.
No amount of water relieves the pain, especially when it's being pumped through my veins.
I screamed at the doctor today, "Call the fire department, send help! I'm spilling my guts and they're covered in blisters! What is it that you don't get?!"
You can see the glow illuminating behind my skin from the outside.
I haven't been coughing so the match is still lit and I won't stop my mouth from screaming until there is smoke pouring from it.