To Start a Snowball Fight

Please stop.
Please.
I can tell when a person is lying 9 times out of 10.
So, I'm giving you the chance to gather your thoughts and start over.
Stop before you strangle yourself with your own words.
As your tongue weighs you down, I stop listening almost altogether.
I pretend that I'm watching you fumble, trying to carry the excess slab of flesh that hangs down your chin.
It collects dirt and gravel as it rests on the floor, as it drags behind you, as it leaves a trail of saliva-like-debris that mirrors a slugs.
The residue shines as I look at it. It's shiny, rainbow tint keeps me amused enough to keep listening though.
I'll make an attempt to change the subject in a few seconds to give you another shot at leaving this conversation behind us. You won't take it.
A combination of my ADD and the various other conversations going on around us are in your favor.
No one gives credit for multitasking anymore. I can walk and chew gum, but I can't expect an award for it.
You say something about a friend of yours, or a friend of a friend of yours, or maybe about something you heard an expert say. I'm an expert sometimes, do I ever get quoted mid-chitchat?
You mention that you can't decide if you agree or not with what you're even saying, so I better give you a reason to keep talking because I still have a little time to kill and you're pretty.
"Really? That's insane. What else happened?"
My foot is falling asleep, the guy behind you shouldn't talk to his son that way, I have to try to remember to get the results from my blood work back, and I have no idea what you're talking about at this point.
Pins and needles start at my foot, make their way up my leg, through my chest, and settle into my brain.
Pins and needles fit the mood perfectly. They aren't life changing but what an annoyance they can be.
The original lie has now snowballed and it's picking up speed as it rolls down your exaggerated tongue.
I feel like I should get out of the way before the on coming collection of bullshit barrels over me.
Here comes your last chance to redeem yourself so we can start over.
I'll look away for a few seconds to let you know I'm losing interest, only to come back to ask what your name is.
"Crazy stuff. I'm sorry, what was your name again? I'm terrible with this stuff."
Your name is irrelevant and I remember it just fine.
You tell me your name and follow with, "I'm so rude! Here I am talking about me and I don't even know your name or where you're from or anything!"
I smile, pretend to laugh, and tell you, "Oh it's OK, I enjoy listening and learning. My name is Jack, I live in Jersey but grew up in California."
My name is Chris, I've never stepped foot in California, and the truth will never matter to either of us, simply because it's more fun and easier to keep playing along.
You look at me while smiling and say, "Why, hello Jack, it is nice to meet you."
As you think of what to say next, you keep giggling and looking into my eyes. It makes me feel uncomfortable but it's OK because I'm impressed by your own multitasking skills.
I say something about my time in California and relate it back to our conversation, the snowball fight begins.