I've disappeared before, did ya know?
3 times now. Each time a little more intense then the one before it but all equally bone rattling and brain shaking. Each time I lose a part of my insides and they're replaced by stone and gravel and mud and clay.
I disappeared again today. You know though.
This time I just vanished and settled silently with the dust gathering on the fan blades. I waited for some unsuspecting someone to flip the switch. It was the sheer excitement that now some foreign being will determine where I'll land.
However, this time I went prepared.
Before I incinerated I opened every door and every window in my house and stuffed my pockets full, with a compass, map, and a prayer. Now once the fan begins its rotation I'll be thrown from the blade and swept away in the up draft. I'll be like a rookie pilot commandeering a microscopic aircraft caught in the most turbulent flight of my life.
I made sure the moon would be out also, for guidance, extra light when the night approaches minutes before take off, and obviously for luck. But most of all because the moon generates the wind I'll need.
I'm ready for my final mission. I'll be out and on my way dodging rogue pedals of dead dandelions and sweeping my way by any rain drops that always seem to be prevalent during times like these. I'll be avoiding all precipitation while embracing the gusts and breezes that now hold the key to my existence and to my destination. The compass is only there to help and to reassure I'm heading in the right direction, the map for reading material, and the prayer to send me anywhere that is not here nor there.
If you're in the north, I'm heading south. If you're on the east, I'll be west coast dreaming.
Please moon, just this once, bend the waves in my favor and send the winds my way. Send me to the next place I'm supposed to be. I do not beg though, I am merely throwing my faith blindly and literally into the wind with hopes you will float me in the direct path of a new breath for me to settle into and learn.
I disappeared today. Now if I could only remember how to reappear.
Monday, June 23, 2008
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7 comments:
I started thinking maybe you weren't going to post again, but then I come back et voila; There are several, And I'm more than certain that makes up for it all. It's probably strange how happy it makes me when you put out something new to share that I get to read.
I'm thinking I should create an actual username on here so I won't have to sit and worry about whether or not you know it's me and not just someone else that seems similar (not that this matters to you, I'm sure). But we'll see.
This entry's one of my favourites, and I love it. I liked the concept of going prepared with a prayer stuffed in your pocket. Maybe I'm being lame about it. I just like mental noting things like this from writings.
In general, I actually really like every entry you've posted in the sense that it's like watching a movie filled with so much going on that you can watch it several times in a row only because each time you catch something new and different.
It's nice. It's exciting.
I'm glad to see you've updated. I hope you're taking care.
-xo.
i don't know who you are. i'm not sure if i want to yet though. im glad you enjoy things i write though. i dont expect anyone to read them, its just something that keeps my head from sinking below the water line.
this is my favorite entry so far too. i would expect tons more cause my life is a pretty big mess so lucky you i guess. i've no shame i guess if im willing to spill my insides to basically anyone so i shouldnt complain.
i just don't know anymore.
thank you again 100 times over.
Sometimes it's necessary to not know rather than know anything at all. And sometimes when you're stuck in the middle of a mess, the best thing to do is to throw it out there-regardless who sees it-just because that's the only way to view it all for yourself and be able to pick it back up, sorted out and ok again. Even if it does take a while to get it done.
I'm hoping for the best for you. Thank you for always sharing, no matter what your reason for doing so is. I'm always looking forward to it. Always.
-xo.
honestly though, i have an idea of who you are but lets not worry about it.
Not worrying about it is probably for the best lol. Afterall, I don't want you disappointed if it turns out to be not who you were expecting.
-xo.
...but I'm writing in hopes that you don't; I've always gotten the vibe that you greatly dislike me.
I'm not your continuous anonymous writer-- but I do have something to say.
I've recently started writing, always with someone in mind. This someone, of course being my inspiration. I showed this person (or who I thought this person was) everything I wrote before I showed it to anyone else.
After reading this, something really weird hit me-- you're my inspiration. It's kind of strange because I don't know you all that well, at least not enough to have "feelings" for you, but yet you inspire me far beyond anyone else I know. Far beyond anyone I feel anything for can.
You should read James Tate:
http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/70
Also, leave it to you to start up a lit blog and immediately accrue secret admirers and other such kinky anonymities.
Interesting stuff, though.
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