Here is a Body

Here is a body to destroy
A body you care little about
I would hardly call you such a thing
You are more like a miscalculation of flesh and blood and genes
Nobody made you
You just happened to fall out, out of luck
And that luck should have run out years ago

How dare you believe someone sculpted you
Leonardo on his worst day wouldn't have sculpted a creature of your sort
A vile, and sadly confused creature like yourself deserves not much
And we are of no resemblance, our one similarity urges me to tear your limbs off for what you did
The scar I left, I've vowed to fix, and I will
Your scar is putrid and permanent, left on someone hardly deserving

I want nothing more than a relapse for you
Your cold body is hardly a home for anyone, you cannot protect her
As she follows the tracks up your arm she will remember me
My clean body, clear head, and she will recall whose arms she belongs tucked under
Inside of you there is a multitude of diseases that seep out of your pores, quietly dissolving your muscles, splintering your bones, drenching your skin with toxins
It is slowly killing you
I pray for a speedy demise to get you out of the way

My hands shake as I search for the words to illustrate what you are
You are the dregs of society, an infected young man with a dormant addiction
I would do nearly anything to wake that beast
But so help me, if you bring her down with you, I will find you and I will kill you

When The Wheels Fell Off

The imprint we left on the pavement in my hometown,
when the wheels fell off, was small in size but colossal in every other way

We couldn't have seen it coming, the sound was deafening, and we were lucky enough
to have stopped when we did instead of going dangerously further

The weight on the passenger side of the car must have been too much
and that was my fault, the symbolism could have choked the crowd that was gathering

A sight to see for a small town and we were on display, a concrete catwalk and we were unclothed, you should have never been put in that position

There's a divot, a pothole, that sits there now, it doesn't get any smaller but it grows every so often when something touches it, and my skin is starting to feel like pavement

With Your Best Friends Standing On The Back Of Your Head

I'm laying face down in the water next to a friend of mine, while two sets of feet press down on the back of our heads. Every once in a while I can see a third pair of feet standing near but not taking part. We are being forced to drink. For the longest time I was so thirsty, so eager to fill up on the same water I'm drowning in. I would have drank until my stomach burst because I've had a taste and it was everything I ever dreamed of, up until recently that is. You see, you may be curious as to why I'm not putting up much of a fight this time around. Well, this time around it seems I've lost my will to fight. I'm not even struggling. The worst part is watching my friend next to me as he flails about, trying so hard to get back up and dry himself off. I hold his shoulders down with my one free hand so it's quicker. It's a shame that the taste in my mouth was once so much sweeter but now it's sour and bitter. From underneath the water I can hear the voice of a past lover quietly saying, "I told you so" over and over again. She was right, she always was but I was too stubborn to come to terms with it. She is of no help now as I breathe in more water. I never wanted to be drowned by my best friends but they have no idea they're even doing it. I shake the hands of those standing on me and around me, as well as the cold still hand of my poor naive friend laying to the right of me as I lie to them all and tell them, "No hard feelings."

Traffic On Some Rural Road Up North

I love your pretty little tongue and every way you use it
I love how you quietly sing your terrible indie music
There's just something in the way that you say my name
That makes me want you to state it
Everyday, every night, in every single sentence that you say

I love the single firework going off above our heads
I love the sound of the explosion just before it ends
There's just something in the way you say you and I
That makes me happy enough to die
Everyday, every night, in every single contently deadly way

Untitled

Writers block is a very awkward shape to carry

Rough Diamond

I liked you better as a brunette
Even though I'm more partial to blondes and redheads
You were definitely much better off a brunette
Trapped inside of a city you hate
The same city you can walk right out of
But you're trapped
Inside your tiny little world of fire escapes
Grungy warehouse parties and PBR
You claim it's the best years of your life
But you haven't tried your tongue at anything other than a big dirty apple

1965 Dreamin'

There's a tiny rip in the Bob Dylan poster hanging above my head
But you would never know it
I fixed it up nice and clean like
It was torn due to excitement and a lack of patience
From a far it looks seamless, unscathed
Up close though it is unperfect, imperfect
It has a blemish and one that I did my best to fix
I'm covered in tape from the repairs I've made
But it's getting so tight I feel my blood can't circulate

Itty Bitty Living Space

What's it like living inside my head?
Inside my brain,
you sit with your hands around your knees
Tangling yourself up in strings
Pull them gently and I wander
Pull them with anger and I stay put
Ain't it a shame how much time
You waste
Sure, I'll share this space,
Inside my head
But I won't concern myself
When you start fussing around up there
I bet you were trying to tell me something
Knocking on my skull every morning
I heard you
But I also heard you cast a shadow too tall
And I'm only 5 foot 6 on a good day
You must be a lot smaller than I had once thought
I pray it's comfortable up inside my brain
Cause I know myself well enough and I know you
And I know how these things work
And chances are you're not going anywhere

To Me Love You; To You Love Me

Don't say all the time and never say always
If you have to get jealous, try not to show it
Try to understand that getting done up doesn't mean I'm getting done
Try to remember that when I go out, I'll always be coming home
You have to take the good with the bad and I do too
You gotta trust me when I say I'm yours and I will trust you
Keep in mind that a fight isn't an argument and an argument isn't a fight
But both are necessary for us to survive
Know that I won't always like what you have to say
But know that I'll respect you either way
Promise me if you ever feel sad about you and I that you'll speak up and speak your mind
And I'll promise the same because I want you as mine
Above all else, remember how I make you feel late at night
And above all else, we'll do our best to keep up with you and I

With an E

I hope you know who I am and I hope you know what you lost
I keep playing this scenario over and over again in my head
Where I see you and you see me and we don't say a word
But we speak volumes to each other
You're mistakes pile up and although I'm no saint, you are scum

I feel the bubbles begin to form inside my blood
Heat takes over my body and I don't care how many inches you add up to
I would ruin you if the chance came my way

I feel my skin crawl knowing that you've touched what is mine
The teeth inside my mouth grind back and forth and I can taste hate
I would ruin you if the chance came my way

It makes me sick knowing we've done similar things to hurt a heart so true
It makes me sick being compared to you
I threw up a little bit while I was writing this
It tasted like pride and I swallowed it down
I hope you choke on yours

King Dharma

I stopped reading secrets on Sundays
A little too close to home
They poke at my ribs and remind me of things
You know how sensitive the sides of my torso are
I'm far too ticklish for my own good and for you
My body tenses up when you drag your nails
Along the way I giggled

Your ribs surround a concave chest
Inside is a beat up heart that tried its best
Bruised and battered but beating nonetheless
It deserves to start fresh

The last secret I read made me cry
I bet it made you cry too but for different reasons
I wrote my secret down on a piece of fabric stolen from a peaceful place
The irony draped over my shoulders like a robe
And I was already wearing the crown

It's not

I can’t picture you laughing
I can picture a lot of people in my life laughing
But for some reason I can’t see it with you
Barely even a smile comes to mind

When I try, your face turns into someone else’s
Your hair changes color
Your jaw line becomes different
Everything about you transforms into somebody else
A person who is happy and content, with less opinions

When I see you and you smile or laugh
It feels awkward and forced
I thought it was just me
But it’s not...it’s you

Who Do You Think About

Who do you think about when you listen to songs
Inside your car
Who do you miss when you're hearts showing scars
Inside your car
We should fix what these hands did wrong

Who do you think about when you smoke
All alone it shows
When there's a whole other world at home
All alone it shows
It shows when the weight of the world takes its toll

For such a small town
It feels so big when you're around
We can blame it on the weather
But things are starting to look better
When the clouds all start to clear
I'm here

Who do you think about when you watch your favorite shows
Sitting so still on your own
Who do you think about when no one needs to know
Sitting so still on your own
That's when your eyes start to grow

Who do you think about when you're underneath your sheets
When the day gets too heavy
Who do you think about when you really feel the need
When the day gets too heavy
That's when I finally feel the heat

For such a small town
It feels so big when you're around
We can blame it on the weather
But things are starting to look better
When the clouds all start to clear
I'm here

For such a small town
It feels so big when you're around
We can blame it on the weather
But things are starting to look better
When the clouds all start to clear
I'll be here

A Dead Man's Designer Suit

I would look great in a dead man's designer suit
It would fit me in all the right places and I'd make it good as new
The inseam would fall perfectly, the pants would need no cuffing
My chest would fill it out without a doubt

I would look great in a dead man's designer suit
But it would wear me just as well
Tight around my neck and wrists, but still just right
My bet is that it would wear me out

When I'm gone I don't want to have to worry about what I'm wearing
But I want to look great for a dead man
When I die I want to be buried in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt
So no one can steal my designer suit

Above All Else

A lapse of judgment I'd call it
Cause you can't take everything you read seriously
It's not like you don't overpopulate my dreams
I'm still human above all else

I've climbed a mountain to get to you
It was cold and lonely and each time I made it to the summit
You went and added a few more thousand feet to my assent
I did it with a smile on above all else

Test after test I whistled through them
Each mess I created I sifted through them
A virus inside me is all I have left of you
I go sleepless and hungry without complaint above all else

As I lace up my boots to begin my climb
I grab a picture of you to keep in mind
Why I'm patient this entire time
I can't stop until you're mine above all else

Less Than 3 Months To Go

Love through a wire is on display for all to see
It's a rock climb through states
While we're fully relying on satellites
Throwing all our faith into a keyboard

I beg the operator to hear me calling
Push all the right buttons
Cross all the right cables
Cause through the wire I'm falling
Without the bells and whistles
We do our best to listen

I'm holding you to all the plans we've been making
I'm hoping it's a good sign when your legs are shaking
Cause it's a good sign when you're next to me while I'm waking

A Constant Knocking

You’re making this easy for me, erasing yourself I mean
My memory is terrible as is without being reminded to forget
Inside my brain there is a stockpile of doors,
Lined up neatly because I wouldn’t have it any other way

Most are closed
Some get blown open by the wind that sneaks in through my ears
A couple of them have a window in them
There's also a row that I've never even opened

Most are locked
Some squeak so much that I have to jam them shut and board them up
A few won't open even if I tried
There are some that slam in my face as soon as they open

If you could walk down the corridors of my brain you would understand
You would see each door has a name carved into it, so delicately
And some that you would swear a monster was hiding behind,
Ready to tear you apart as soon as you touch the doorknob

But there's also a select few that that have managed to get their hands on a doorstop
These doors remain open, never locked
Knocking back and forth against the walls of my heads

All I'm asking you to do, as you scan the halls,
With knife in hand, is please,
Please pick the right door

Ladybug

I want you to know something
or some things,
I want you to know that I'll see you again
I do anyway, just not in reality
As I cocoon myself in blankets I feel something next to me
I've always hated having my face covered
but out of fear that it isn't you outside my fabric cave
I remain underneath

The thought of running out of air while inside always crosses my mind
So I cheat a little and allow for a small hole to let in the cold air
A tiny space between my blanket and the sheets,
too small for anything to peak but big enough for a ladybug to squeeze,
to keep me company whenever she pleased

But the truth of the matter is that it's winter
and there are 6 inches of snow on the ground
And I haven't seen an insect in months
I'm really beginning to miss the spring,
among other things

Roulette By Night

I call it roulette by night,
Let me explain..
Every now and again,
Unknowingly,
You slip into my dreams
You come and go,
just as you please,
And although they are becoming few and far between
I'd appreciate it if you'd leave it to the sheep

The Boy With A Camera In His Eye

When he looks at her he sees her in at least 3x5, 12 megapixel, perfect lighting
It's not his fault tho
He's just programmed that way

He tries a bit harder, which is obvious, and his intentions are opposite of mine
It's not his fault tho
He's just programmed that way


The boy with a camera in his eye is pointing his shot directly at the apple in mine
Even as neutrals tho, my blood will boil each time I hear a click or see a flash go off


When I look at her I see her as warmth, guiding me, but without artificial light
I do not need a blinding glare to find her in the dark
I use her glow instead

I've faulted and faulted again, which is obvious, but my intentions have remained
It was never about just her or just I
We've just been programmed this way


The boy with a camera in his eye is pointing his shot directly at the apple in mine
Even as neutrals tho, my blood will boil each time I hear a click or see a flash go off

The boy with a camera in his eye is only doing what he loves
However, so am I

A Bad Morning

I had a brief conversation with my stomach this morning.

In between the painful grumbles and growls,
it mentioned a few things about changing a few things.
You know, for the better of both of us.

We didn't know it but we had a lot more in common than we had ever realized before.
We both felt empty a good portion of the time,
nausea brought us to our knees,
and neither of us were any good at untying knots or bug catching.

I listened as I laid in bed
and as I tried to understand what it meant,
I got lost in the volume of my own head.

I need to start eating better I guess.

Tearing Up

I had this dream where you and I tore each other apart
I had found a loose thread hanging from your seams, and persisted to fuss with it until you came all undone
I was gentle but did not understand what I was doing and I became tangled in each strand that fell
You searched for a way to start a small rip somewhere, along my torso maybe
I saw you ask yourself where the best place to start would be
We took turns clawing at each other, picking at pieces we thought would sting most
We made sure our eyes were the last to go, so we could watch each other work
When we were almost down to nothing, I looked at you and tried to spell out "I'm sorry" with blinks and winks
You began to tear up, and your eyes looked angry but so sad
I'm sure things could have been different

I remember that we couldn't finish what we intended to do
I remember that we couldn't leave ourselves in a pile next to each other
I remember trying to patch myself back together
I'm sure I was missing pieces, but as long as I could gather you up and mend you together, I knew that you could fill the pieces I was missing

The next night I had another dream, where you and I told each other everything
We stayed up all night talking about your favorite color and my favorite band,
how you wanted to change the country and about things that I can't stand

I remember laying on my bed with your legs around my waist
I remember pretending I was dead so you would have to hold my weight
I remember your hands on my torso and the look that was on your face

Butterfly Belly

I stuck a net down my throat to catch all the butterflies
bouncing off the walls of my stomach

I put them in a jar and wrote your name on it
The jar sits on my top shelf for everyone to see

Sometimes a few escape and quickly make their way down my windpipe, back into my belly
They multiply once they're inside and I go get my net again
The jar is getting crowded recently but I don't think they mind
I heard butterflies like staying together anyway

If I were one I would fly next to you and try to keep up
and I would hope that the butterfly version of you would stop her wings
just so we can fly in sync

There's now a second jar that sits on my top shelf
This one is smaller but it fits two comfortably
I took a permanent marker and wrote our names on it
One right next to the other